To the courts we go

The agency sent our completed dossier to Taiwan today. The average time from submission of our dossier to travel is 6 months. There is 1 hearing and 2 court rulings to complete. Wish us a speedy court process.

Second Update

We received our second update today. I knew it was coming today and almost wore out my mouse checking email. The agency took measurements on May 30, when she was 10 weeks old. We assume they took the photos and video on the same day. She was 10.3 pounds. She seems tiny but has put on 2 pounds each month so far. We received 3 photos and 2 videos. I hope Ralph can figure out how to put them on the site for everyone to see. She has a rash in one of the photos, which Ralph believes is from heat. Taiwan is very hot and humid, and many other babies have shaved their heads to keep them cooler. Glad I don't have to do that!

In other adoption news, our dossier is translated, and we are waiting for a certification letter before going to Taiwan. The last few people have taken a month to get logged into the court system. Some have had their final ruling and travel in as little as 3 months; others are still waiting after 6 months. So, if everyone can send positive wishes and prayers that way, we may get a quick judge.

First Update

We received our first update for Yu-Wen on May 14. We think the pictures were taken when she was 6 weeks old. She was up to 8.5 pounds. According to the developmental update, she is progressing normally. She is eating well, grasping with her fingers, and is calmer when touched and making contact. We also received our first video.

Why we're adopting

For those of you who know, feel free to skip this. These aren't pleasant memories, but we want to share them with those unaware of what happened.

It took us a year and a half to get pregnant with Ryan. The first half of the pregnancy went well. At the end of the second trimester, I developed an elevated heart rate of 160-190 beats a minute at various times of the day. At seven months, I was taken off work and told to sit at home and gestate. Fortunately, I never ended up on bed rest.

Things progressed well on what I termed "house arrest". My physicians monitored me very closely. One month before my due date, they found that Ryan was in fetal distress and I had a crash C-section. (Not fun just after eating at Jack-in-the-Box.) Ryan was immediately taken to the intensive care unit, where he remained for a month.

Three days after Ryan's birth, I developed severe shortness of breath. To make a very long story short, I was in congestive heart failure secondary to a rare complication of pregnancy called peripartum cardiomyopathy. Instead of my heart beating normally, it just quivered. Ralph said it was basically doing what CPR would. I ended up in ICU and telemetry for almost two weeks, where I was not able to see Ryan for days at a time. The doctor said I had a 30% chance of improving, a 30% chance of staying the same, and a 30% of getting worse, meaning I wouldn't survive. My doctors started the process of which heart transplant center to transfer me.

I'm way too stubborn to die, and I was very fortunate and recovered quickly to the point I could go home. It took a long time to recover my heart function. I was on disability for almost two years.

My cardiologist said I've completely recovered from heart failure, although they continue to monitor me closely. I still have mild tachycardia managed by medication. The cardiologists believe I will have no lasting effect from the heart failure as long as I am never pregnant again.

Sounded like a good reason to adopt..

Why International adoption?

Why we are adopting internationally is the most frequent question we get. Our usual response is three words: Drugs and alcohol. (Followed closely by the biological dad not signing off on the adoption.)

We began paperwork for domestic adoption. We spent lots of time researching adoption and speaking to adoption agencies and adoptive parents. It was our agency director who finally made up our mind to pursue international adoption. While we found that healthy infants occasionally come up for adoption, these are usually private adoptions where someone knows someone. The agencies said the majority of the babies have alcohol and methamphetamine exposure and many of the mothers do not receive prenatal care early in pregnancy. Worse, up to 70% of biological fathers do not sign off on the adoption. In Nevada, they can return up to 6 months and take the baby back.

The problem is that we both know too much. Ralph has delivered babies and worked with patients who have problems due to prenatal exposure to drugs and alcohol. Before starting work on my Master's program, I worked with adults with cognitive impairment, many of whom also had fetal alcohol syndrome.

Our agency director asked us how important it was to have a newborn who looked like us. We had done the newborn thing, and frankly, it sucked. I know Ryan's birth and infancy were not "normal," but it was a horrible year for us and we have no desire to re-live the stress and sleepless nights. We don't care what the baby looks like; we just want a healthy baby. Had Ryan not had ongoing special needs, we might have considered the risk, but with his special needs, we felt we could not intentionally go through that again.

So, that made the choice plain for us.

Slow Boat to China

Once we had decided on international adoption, we had to pick which country met our needs best. Since we already had a son, we both wanted a girl. (I can't resist all the pretty clothes.) That narrowed the countries to China, Guatemala and several obscure places like Nepal and the Marshall Islands. We ruled out Eastern Europe due to alcohol exposure and attachment disorder, which are common there.

Mainland China seemed like the best option. We were guaranteed an infant girl, and Asians mostly don't drink alcohol due to Asian flush, and China kills drug dealers, so there is not much of a problem there.

We changed our paperwork to China. What should have taken 3-4 months to complete took almost 10 months due to agency problems. One week shy of submitting our dossier to China, the adoption agency notified us they were closing and we needed to transfer to another. After much stress and heartache, we partnered with a large Chinese adoption agency. After several weeks (1 year into the process), they decided they would not accept our home study and we would have to restart it.

We changed agencies again to one that would accept our paperwork as it was. Due to the delays, half of our paperwork expired and had to be re-done. We finally were DTC, "Dossier to China," in November of 2006 and LID, "Logged into China," December 2.

During the final months of submitting DTC, China began to experience significant delays and regulation changes. What had taken 6 months before was now taking 2 years and expected to increase. As I write this, a referral would take over 3 years. Also, some people have waited for their referral only to find out China would no longer accept them as adoptive parents. For them, it was several years and thousands of dollars down the drain.

We couldn't risk waiting that long and not having it work. We have left our dossier in China "just in case," although we expect nothing to come of it. Mostly, it is just peace of mind. We will pull our dossier when we get closer to our travel date. With the changes we were forced to make and those we willingly made, we probably lost $5000.

It was all part of the process to getting where we are now.

Detour to India

While working on our China dossier, a friend from India approached us. His father-in-law is a very well-connected physician in New Delhi. (The Prime Minister was at his daughter's wedding.) They asked us if we would be open to adopting through India, another country where female children are often not valued.

A girl was born then, and the physician was aware of her. Apparently, the father of the baby was upset as she was the fifth female child born and told the mother to leave and "not come home with her." (I'm not going into what that usually means in India.) The mother made the best decision she could and abandoned her with a female relative. Both parents were willing to sign whatever paperwork we needed to adopt the baby.

We first worked with the physician in India to make sure she was healthy. We had to name her as no one had done this. We named her Sonia, as this name would be appropriate for both India and the US. Sonia was also the name of a Prime Minister's wife who fought for women's rights. (Looking back, at least she may know that someone cared enough to give her a name.)

From the beginning, we knew that the problems would not be with India but with the US government. It seemed perfect for a short time. My Aunt Suzanne had a friend in the US embassy who had a friend in the Indian embassy, and they were able to put us in contact with the correct people in India.

After multiple phone calls with the embassy personnel (they do not speak English as a primary language), we were told it would be very difficult to prove that Sonia met the criteria for a US visa. Ralph has a patient who works for Senator Harry Reid (now the majority leader). They were able to contact immigration staff in the US. They said Sonia didn't meet the criteria for immigration since both her parents were still alive, but we could hire a very good and very expensive attorney and might be able to bring her here in 5 years. (Oh yeah, the other option was I could move to India for 2 years and then bring her home.)

India was an exercise in futility. We were both disappointed the adoption didn't work out. Sonia was finally declared "orphaned" and immediately placed into the Indian adoption system, where her prospects are bleak. It especially affected Ralph. We still have her picture and medical history in an unopened envelope in the file cabinet. I can't bear to either open it or throw it away.

To Taiwan

We had heard about adopting from Taiwan from our new adoption agency and on several online adoption forums. At the time, there wasn't much of a wait for referral (although things changed quickly). While our agency had a Taiwan program, they would not place us on the waiting list until we had our new home study done which we expected to take 3-4 months.

We heard that Commonwealth, an established agency, had just opened a new program for Taiwan. The program was a "foster care" program. In it, babies stay in a children's hospital for 3 months then spend the rest of the time in foster care, which of course we pay for. We would get pictures, video and updates once a month after referral. They would place us on the list immediately. At the time of signing, only several families were in front of us. Currently, there are over 40 prospective families.

So, once again, we changed adoption agencies. We were pre-approved by the Taiwanese agency on December 22, 2006, and Commonwealth had our signed contract and, of course, first check on January 2.

Referral and the "Paper Pregnancy"

We had one referral in January for a 9-week preemie baby girl. While deciding if that was something we would consider, the birth mother changed her mind. We both felt that it just wasn't meant to be.

It took another 2 months to get our second referral. On March 26, 2007, we received a referral for Yu-Wen Chen. She was born March 19 to a 19-year-old college student. The mother reported she was healthy and had no alcohol or drug exposure. Yu-Wen appears to be a healthy and normal baby girl. Yu-Wen was 5 pounds, 7 ounces at birth. She was full-term and had a normal delivery. When we got the referrals and looked at the pictures, it felt like she was meant to be ours.

We quickly accepted the referral and started our dossier. It took 5 weeks to get the paperwork from Taiwan, then another two weeks to have it notarized, certified by the state and authenticated by the Taiwanese consulate in San Francisco. It is being translated and should go to Taiwanese courts in the next week or two.

The agency said to expect 4-8 months before we can travel to bring Yu-Wen home. We just sent our first care package to her. We bought her first outfit, a Baby Gap outfit, several onesies from a friend, a blankie from my best friend's mother, several rattles, a disposable camera and candy for the adoption agency and hospital staff.

(Photo of less than 1 week old.)

Greetings and Introductions (Sticky)

Hello all,

At the urging of family and friends, we've decided to start a private blog about our Taiwanese adoption.

A couple of points for starters:

This is a private blog. If you're not here by invitation, please leave. It's here to chronicle our trials, tribulations and experiences in bringing our new daughter home. The content of this blog, including comments, belongs to us and will be edited or deleted as we see fit.

Beyond that.... welcome! We're glad you're here!


Anna

As you may know, we already have a referral. Her name is Chen Yu-wen. At this writing, she's about 2-1/2 months old. (Photo taken at about one week.)

She's in Taiwan now. We're still working through the preliminary process of adopting her (more on that later.) We expect that we'll be traveling in either October or November to bring her home.

We've chosen the name Anna for her. This is in recognition of my family (my grandmother Anna and my mother, Anneliese) and Tami's family (where Ann is a common name.)

Ryan is naturally excited about "Sister" and insists on including "... and watch over Sister and get her on the plane soon..." when he says Grace at supper. He's also picked out several presents for her. (These have somehow ended up in his toybox, however.)

More, much more, later. Thanks for stopping by.

R.